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gluten intolerant people

PLUS...Find out to spot a gluten intolerant person and how to avoid

It's official, the results are in. After a widespread survey covering all of the UK, including Wales, we can now say that 90% of gluten intolerant people are actually intolerant people, with most individuals in the UK finding them hugely unbearable.

Scandal HQ's recent survey asked a series of questions throughout schools, restaurants and homes that made for some interesting results.

  • 94% of gluten intolerant people are intolerant, making them very unbearable, in particular during feasting periods.
  • 95% of people who are gluten intolerant are self diagnosed
  • Of the 6% of people who said gluten intolerant people were not annoying 5% were family members of a gluten intolerant person

For those who are lucky enough not to know gluten intolerant people be sure to have a read of the official Scandal HQ guide to gluten intolerant people below.

Who are 'gluten intolerant' people?
Gluten Intolerant people, said to have arrived on earth around the late 90's around the time young British adults had more disposable income, became more snobby and things like "Pesto" and "Sweet Chilli Sauce" become common foodstuff in Britain.

There are 2 types of gluten intolerant people. The real ones - sometimes referred to as celiac's. They cannot eat any food make from gluten such as bread or pasta. The other type - fake gluten intolerant people are similar, only they like people to falsely believe they cannot eat gluten products - plus they tend to be more irritating than real gluten friendly people.

Whats the difference between a real and fake gluten intolerant person?
Real gluten intolerant people like to blend in with the general public and can be hard to spot. The real can go without real food for days, preferring to eat what can only be described as rabbit food.       
Fake gluten intolerant people have a very punch-able face and as opposed to their real counterparts. They like to tell anybody who will listen about their self diagnosed condition, whilst seeking maximum pity. This can be sometimes followed up by a sob story about life being unfair.

Where are they found?
Gluten intolerant people are found in primarily hipster cities and towns. There have been reports of sightings in villages and small rural towns but generally they stick to the cities where they pester cafes and restaurants that have more acceptance of their imaginary condition. They can sometimes be found in kebab shops in the early hours of the morning when alcohol is involved, forgetting that they told people they are gluten intolerant. 

I have a friend/family member who acts slightly gluten intolerant, should I be worried?
Definitely not, if they were gluten intolerant they would be sure to tell you and anybody who will listen.

How to spot a 'gluten intolerant' person?
They usually have a sour looking face and they pretend to be enjoying their leafy meal while washed down with a water.

What to do if you spot a gluten intolerant person?
The simplest thing to do is just avoid. They tend to very little physical harm, preferring to do damage with their mouth. Gluten intolerant people suffer from verbal diarrhoea which can be contagious.

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