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Sainsburys introduce slow lane checkouts

Delight for shoppers, penny pinchers and talkative granny's 

Sainsburys have introduced an ingenious new self service lane for slow shoppers, in a effort to save shoppers time and swiftly move chatty grannys and women with too much loose change in their purse.

The new slow lane self service checkouts, oddly known as SLSSFs, will come into effect in the company's Eastbourne branch, a town that has more than its fair share of old dames and irritating checkout hoggers.

The checkouts will also feature AI technology, programmed to hold basic conversations about the weather, the youth of today and how things were back in 1960. The voice feature imitates the voice of Dale Winton, sure to be a hit with the ladies during their supermarket sweep.

Regular customers taking too long in the regular self service lanes will be advised to swiftly move onto the new slower lanes, allowing for a quicker flow of customers and a less frustrating checkout experience for all.

Sainbury's Eastbourne manager Peter Thomas had the following to say:

"Gone are the days of the 'fucks sake' murmurs, dirty looks, glances at the watch and loud sighs hoping the slow customer in front of you will hear. These new checkouts will allow slower customers to take their time, count their pennies and even chat about the weather or Johnny down the road. It's a win win for all concerned"

Other stores are set to be taking note of the advance in self service checkouts.

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