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Dognappings in Bristol

Yes say locals as they announce plans to ban dreadlocks and bare feet

With summer approaching and the weather getting better the number of dogs going missing from family homes has steadfastly risen. Who is to blame? Hippies say locals. And far from relying on the police its the locals themselves who plan on doing something about it...

The current spate of robberies is believed to be a result of local street performers using small dogs, and in come case event rabbits, as a means to encourage more passer-byes to handover any loose change.

Scandal HQ spoke to one local street performer, who wished to remain anonymous. "Dog-napping is rife around these parts, its the hippies. When I released my hit single 'You're Beautiful' it was never heard of. Now anybody with a guitar and a dog can earn a shitload. What they do to quieten the dogs down is give them their leftover hash, mixed in with the hippies leftover dog food. It's the only way the dogs can bare the music, and the smell."

While many dogs manage to escape many are not so lucky. When winter comes, or a government protest occurs, the hippies and street performers are usually first to leave and in many cases abandoning their dogs, many of whom are stil wearing woolly jumpers and smelling like dreadlocks. It's usually up to the local council to re-home the dogs.

To help tackle the problem residents are planning to go to the town council and provide them with a petition which garnered over 5,000 names, asking to make bare feet and excessive dreadlocks a criminal offense, a move which would effectively ban hippies from the city centre. Previous attempts to tackle the problem by introducing dog fouling penalty failed, when it transpired that most of the fouling in the streets was done by the hippies themselves.

The town council have stated they have no comment upon being contacted by Scandal HQ.

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